I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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