jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
