So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
