I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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