Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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