and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
