I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
