Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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