I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
