ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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