New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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