If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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