When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
