There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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