I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
3pm strippers are depressing
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
