i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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