On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm always down for nudity.
Dear god my vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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