shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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