I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm always down for nudity.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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