Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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