if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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