i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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