I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
