The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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