Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
