I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
