She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
