I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
