I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
