You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
