I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
