did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
