just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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I take back everything I said about communal showers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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