walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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