I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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