I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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