Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
