I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
