Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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