happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
