you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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