he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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