My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
