Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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