i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
