I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize