Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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