Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
