I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
