1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
