Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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