i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
