He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
