hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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