my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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