I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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