ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Someone stole a lamp last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
