He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
