So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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