North Korea, Best Korea!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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