The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think my moral compass just broke
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