Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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