When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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