i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Randomize
