sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
