Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
