apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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