dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
