I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
this will be a night to untag.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
