I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
